family ties and birthday goodbyes
1:07AM on February 19, 2008
If I were to take two or three weeks out to travel around the US to different cities for fun but also to do photography with more photographers for my website, what cities should I visit and why? What photographers should I consider working with? So far I know for sure I would like to visit Seattle, LA, Los Vegas and possibly Portland, Oregon. If I were to visit an area around you, would you let me stay at your humble abode?
My birthday was an interesting birthday. I can be so unsatisfied with things. I usually have a huge dinner party to which everyone I know comes to, even people I don’t know. This year only Kyle, Anitra, Steve and Mike (Kentucky Prophet, the greatest rapper to ever walk the earth) came to my dinner. I was very happy to see them but I am totally used to having like 15 people at my birthday dinner. Maybe I didn’t plan ahead enough or didn’t stress the date enough? Maybe I am slowly losing friends? Or maybe I should be really thankful to have been put in a position to see who the friends are that I can really rely on being there for me.
I canceled my house party because I am a slob and never got my house cleaned up, and this horrible cat piss crusted couch is still in here and it’s driving me insane. I need someone to get this fucking thing out of here pronto. Anyways the night I was going to have the party Steve fucking went out of town and pissed me off because I still wanted to do something fun for my Birthday weekend. He insisted that no one gets a full weekend for their birthday and I was being selfish to expect him to stay in town if I canceled my party. Yeah, I am a big fucking spoiled Brat and I like to celebrate my birthday from Valentine’s Day straight through to the 17th. Anyways, I was pissed at him for putting himself first on my birthday weekend and got all depressed and went down to the corner bar for a few drinks and to read. There, I ran into Anitra and Kyle and ended up getting trashed with them at their house and playing awesome board games.
I fucking love board games. They remind me of my childhood when my mom and I would stay up with her buddies playing monopoly and the game of life until like 5am every weekend. My mother and I used to actually sort of be best friends, since she was so close to me in age we seemed to have a really close and honest relationship. It’s really sad that it all changed around the time I turned 17 and she moved to Seattle on a whim. Now I don’t speak to her much or feel comfortable talking about a lot of things in my life.
What you guys don’t realize is that I am extremely open with my Mother and Grandmother about my “career” as an online nude queen. They know about my website and the cam shows and when I was stripping they knew about that too. My mother is very standoffish about these topics though. She feels as if they are really horrible ways to make a living or something. The funny thing however is that my grandmother is extremely supportive and actually gets on my ass if I start slacking and she notices my checks getting lower and coming fewer. When a person works from home it can be very easy to start slacking off.
I have been missing stripping lately. Misti says it’s been really good there but honestly it’s not much the money I miss, it’s really the social interaction. Strange, I know. It’s not necessarily the social interaction with the customers either, really it’s the other dancers, bar tenders and DJ that I miss. I don’t get out much nowadays so I don’t get to really interact with many people other than online. I stopped going to the bar I usually go to so I’m not out much at night anymore either. Basically I get lonely and attention starved. That sounds pretty absurd coming from an internet porn star, but it’s very true.
I miss the dumb costumes and humongous platform shoes that I fell around in when I drank. I miss the camaraderie of the dancers, and the drama. I think a lot of the girls there started to think that I thought I was just all that and a bag of chips when I first opened up my website because I stopped working as much and handed out cards for my site when I would work. But I never felt that way at all. I was just relieved to not have to bust my ass in the club as often as I had done in the past.
So if I could convince my boss to take me back I would probably only work a few times a week maybe even just one for sure day and say advertise it on my online shit so people from in town or whatever could come hang out with me and get lap dances from me on that special day. But alas, the last time I wrote him about coming back he failed to return my email. Maybe I will email him again, at the risk of seeming totally desperate.
So on you tube people are posting videos with five little known or unknown facts about themselves. I don’t feel like making a video right now so I will just post them here… You should return me a comment with 5 facts about yourselves as well.
1. I am a witch but not a pagan. I believe in the casting out of purposeful energy to create change for a desired outcome or “spell work”. I however do not believe in many gods nor am I nature worshiper as most witches are assumed to do or be.
2. I consider myself a “black” girl. I am mixed with my mother being typically “black” and my father being “white” However my background spurs African American, Cherokee, German and English. However I was raised in a Black family and identify best with that culture if I had to pick.
3. I have been reading palms since I was about 12 or 13 and I do it impressively well. I picked up a book about it back then and picked it up extremely easily and have since read many books on the subject, read many palms and came to many of my own conclusions on the subject.
4. I have possibly inspired a person to commit suicide. Although the person most likely would have gone through with it any how, if was done after I reminded them of passed mistakes and probed them for information concerning what was plaguing them most.
5. There is a female that will most likely see this post, and she doesn’t know her boyfriend raped me.
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