cencorship is bunk!
4:50AM on April 25, 2008
Man! The more I do on the world wide web I realize how fucking on lock the censorship brigade has everything. In the last week I discovered my original accounts on Justin.tv and face book.com had been closed for violating the “terms of service”. At least Justin.tv answered my enquiries on the subject. They accused me of stripping naked on cam. Since on that site all video streams are archived I asked to reinvestigate the point of nudity considering I am a woman of business and have no intentions of getting naked for anyone for FREE, especially on sites that ban that type of content. They replied saying that they rechecked and I was for sure topless. I am still certain they made a mistake, because the farthest extent to which I have gotten nude on my living room, live and FREE cam is having changed my shirts several times by the fireplace but I have always had on a bra… The bra may have been nude colored however and may have misled them to believe I had nothing covering my breastesez. Whatever the fact was I asked them if they could just remove that segment in which they had accused me of being in the buff and they said there was no way to do that besides shutting down my account all together. That sounds like laziness to me but I didn’t complain… I just notified them of my intentions to reopen another NEW account and they didn’t reply with any objections so…
Facebook however had no way listed to contact them in such a case of your account being mysteriously closed down. At least Justin.tv notified me of this occurrence, with facebook I found this out purely by accident. All I had on there were a few possibly sexy pictures but nothing nude or even freaking implied nude. I however DID have my site listed as my current employment. Perhaps that was just a little too much for the uptight rightwing “powers that be”.
I am now going through my myspace profile with a fine tooth comb to try to make the attempt to prevent it from being randomly shut down as well. I have heard of TONS of sex workers (including porn actors and actresses, cam performers, escorts and adult modeling agencies) having their myspace pages shut the fuck down and already having my page hacked into once for some loser fuck to just call me names because he doesn’t get laid… sigh. Well I just don’t want to deal with it again.
My response to my buddies myspace blog entry:
Have you ever had more than 4 jobs at one time?
When I was in high school I was so into the idea of looking like I had it all together that I taught dance lessons, studied dance for about 15-20hrs a week other than teaching, worked at Fucking Marshals, Worked at a head shop and looked at everyone in disgust that cam in because I was amazingly happy sober and I felt sorry for those that smoked the wacky tabacy. Also worked at Hot Topic and hated all the people my age that shopped there in the stranded lonely effort trying to look like they also had it together, although luckily their parent provided the money for that and they never had a job ever. I was equally as happy as was miserable but the struggle felt like pure sex... You know also with going to high school AND taking night college classes because I had it THAT fucking tight.
I just want you to know that I don't do anything now but sit around on my ass wasting time and worrying that I have absolutely no real friend and fearing if my electricity will be turned off today and will the cops come and finally through me and my little family of me my cat and my labradoodle out on the street? FUCK THE GOD DAMNED STRESS I CAN CUT IT WITH A FUCKING KNIFE... up in here, up in here.
Have you ever been told that the sight of your naked body wasn’t worth a set amount of money?
Maybe sort of yes. I had some dark lonely ugly moment of worthlessness at snores and although I miss the quick, mindless, drunken and debaucherous moments of "OMG I CAN REALLY PAY ALL MY BILLS< BUY NEW FUCKING CLOTHES ANNNNNND! STILL GO OUT TO NAGASAKI AND PAY FOR ALL MY FRIENDS TO SHARE IN A 300 DOLLAR FEAST CELEBRATING MY TRUE Independence. Yeah fucking right, you mean my dependency on alcohol to coast through yet another night of self loathing. Oh yeah and drunkenly make some shitty decisions just for good measure. Sometimes I wonder if getting fired from here was a blessing or a curse. I'm broke, but am I more happy? It's hard to tell, I do drink considerably less of course. I want to call and check my pride and beg CB to plz take me back but I know how worthless he thinks I am, or maybe that's my self esteem talking again?
Have you ever driven as fast as you could down a rainy country road, in the tiny hope that your car would wreck?
UM YES. Every week at least once coming from Scores. It was however very public. It was in fact Second street, and I live on it.
Have you ever been terrified that you took the wrong path?
Yes but I realize or possibly hope everything I have ever been through will be of some help for the future and so far it has been. I would also like to work with sexually abused women and try to help them work through the healing process. I would just like to state I wasn't raped until I was 21, I wasn't sexually molested, most likely at least.
Have you ever gone into the bathroom and screamed as loud as you could, hoping someone would come hug you?
Like everyday, however I am the only one here.
Do you know someone who acts according to a lifestyle, to fit in a crowd, to belong to an ideal? Did they ever have to try hard to do anything? Did you? Did you succeed? Did you want to?
I have both lived and experienced it and it's a really sad epidemic of the young poor (though still pulling "middleclass") group of fuckers in this country. To this group, I myself also belong.
Have you ever been backed into a corner with nowhere to go but inside?
It's either back inside or try to get away with laying in the street and awaiting death.
Alright I am not ALWAYS this fucking sad and depressing but I had a bad fucking day and your vent inspired mine. I hope it was good for you too:)