I need a new creative endeavor
10:15PM on July 13, 2009
I really need to write more like I used to. It kept me thinking clearly and gave me a chance to look at the things that were bothering me as well as the projects I have done well on. So I need to write more for reflection on not only my personal life but my business life as well!
I just put in the movie Moulin Rouge. I have only seen this once about 6 years ago and I have owned the movie for two or three years as my ex girlfriend Leslie bought it for me as a gift. I assume she thought I would love it because of my appreciation for the cabaret and burlesque.
The movie has some pretty neat imagery but I remember hating the way they incorporated modern music into the score. I realize this isn't a traditional musical but that really fucked it up for me.
I'll see what I think of it now as an adult...
I'm an adult now and that cracks me up. I have no idea how people (and I guess by “people” I mean my Grandmother) allow me to live on my own. I am like a 5 year old running amok AND living with three unruly cats and one very energetic dog. I can't cook or better yet I am too lazy to cook, have anxieties so thick I can't leave the house at some points for days at a time, and I only talk to other characters of myself along with you know my animals that each have a voice and pitch of their own that I have to act out for them... Basically I am a toddler that's being allowed to live on her own.
Sometimes this worries me. Like when will the masses start realizing that I am a child stuck in an adults body and why is it that when I was a child I felt like an adult stuck in a child's body? Why has this reality flipped on me?
Lately I have been thinking about dance. I wish I had a studio apartment so I could live out my dreams of dancing whenever I feel that it's necessary. I had a small window at getting my dream and dancing with burlesque troupe in town. One I was apart of awhile back but they declined at adding me to their entourage just recently.
I have considered starting my own dance/performance art troupe however there are a TON of reasons why I don't make a go at this.
1.It would automatically be considered a rival at the troupe I was once apart of and failed to regain access to. This would be highly um undesired. If anything I would have liked to have worked with them and built up the art community here.
2.There were very few people that auditioned for them when they held tryouts which leads me to believe there just aren't enough people left in the area that would be interested in participating in something like this with me.
3.I could easily become apart of something that's already established but I really don't have the time or space in my schedule to start something up on my own and be fully responsible for.
4.And finally I have NO ROOM at my newer apartment for any practicing. I have no idea how I would find a spot to practice or perform in/at. I'm not the best with people, you know:)
So that's out but I obviously have considered it cause it's something that would my my little heart pant with joy and delight. It's just sadly totally unreasonable.
I need something new though. I have so many work/online projects that I am constantly busy with. But I need something totally unrelated and creative that I don't have to consider it's marketability or anything like that to work on. Does that make sense?