How to use a Condum 101
3:41AM on April 06, 2009
How to use a condom properly - How to Rip n Roll
1. Don't store condoms in a glove box or in your wallet, condoms hate heat! Also, don't use condoms past the expiration date and don't open condoms with your teeth.
2. If you're using a Latex condom, don't use oil based lubrication such as skin lotions, baby oil, Vaseline® or cold cream - the oil in these products weakens the Latex. Always use water based or latex compatible lubricants with Latex condoms. If you must use oil based lubricants use polyurethane condoms, these are safe to use with oil.
Rip - open the package
When the time has come to cover your Captain (Captains at full attention and ready for battle). "RIP" open your favorite condoms package, being careful not to use your teeth place a few drops of your favorite water based lubricant inside the tip of the condom. Never let your Captain touch your partner before he is securely covered.
Roll - on the protection
When you put on the condom, hold the condom by the tip to squeeze out any air. Leave some space at the tip to hold any and all fluids and "ROLL" the rest down to your Captains base.
If your Captain is intact (has a foreskin), put the condom on with the foreskin pushed back. After you have Rolled and are covered, push the foreskin forward (toward the tip). This lets the foreskin move without breaking the condom.
(Optional but recommended) Place more water based lubricant on the outside of the condom. Remember, "Wetter is Better".
If at any time during battle your Captain is ambushed (the condom breaks or comes off), stop immediately and pull out. Wash your Captain and put on a new condom.
After your Captain has won his battle (after intercourse), you should hold the condom at the base and pull out slowly. This should be done while your Captain is still at attention.
Throw away the used condom in the trash, not the toilet. If you choose the toilet they will come back to haunt you some day. Trust me, the last thing you want plugging your plumbing is used condoms!
Never re use condoms, use a new condom every time you have contact.