Sorry Ass Lay
9:56AM on June 09, 2012
When you first hooked up, one look from your girlfriend was all it took for your engine to rev up quicker than a pimped-out ride from The Fast and the Furious. You were, to put it bluntly, like a dog in heat, but those first throes of passion are long gone, and your girl has since lost her almost God-given power to make you happy between the sheets.
She may have seduced you with her looks and charm, but if you're dealing with bad sex a month after that first night of intimacy, then she might as well look like Broom-hilda. Not that you would tell her that. Unless you possess a heart of stone like Rasputin, youd feel pretty bad watching your girlfriend suffer a Bridget Jones-style breakdown after telling her shes failing miserably in the bedroom.
But make enough excuses to avoid a close encounter or drop enough hints about what she should be doing, and your girlfriend will eventually catch on. Heres what to do to stop bad sex from ruining your relationship.
Since the dawn of time, women have used phony ailments such as headaches and upset stomachs to get out of having sex. But two can play at that game. If the stars have aligned and the moon is in the right place, she might be feeling amorous and up for a night of passion. You, alternatively, would rather sleep, watch sports or do almost anything instead of enduring another night of passionless sex. Its not you; its her.
Yawning at least once every few minutes should do the trick. If that isnt enough to ward off her advances, then make regular trips to the toilet and proceed to groan loudly enough for your girlfriend to hear. She'll soon be colder than a streaker in the midst of a Canadian winter.
We've already established that you can't just tell her how bad she is in the sack. But a little scheming can go a long way. Ask her if there's anything in particular she'd like you to do when getting intimate. Not only does it make your girlfriend feel special, but it also gives you an excuse to tell her exactly what you want. Women love to talk, so use this to your advantage.
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