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Thanks to all of you who have visited my page, watched my video clips, purchased my videos, custom vids, tipped my livehouse Just left me lovely comments, voted, helped with my shows !!! All that great stuff !!! If you love my ass as much as I do, lol, stay tuned, there's more to love !!! I'm always looking for hotness to help with my videos, so, by all means, cum & talk 2 me... I usually have either jokes or some serious questions... hopefully something to make you smile & think... don't forget to vote & comment !!! Smooches, Nilou Achtland



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ah, technology...
Cause he's TNT, dynamite...
Blowjobs, nuff said...
Tri-Pod
Grateful strangers...
Stings don't it ???
BooBs, lol
Titty Joke 31
Closer Show1 (Gallery)
Closer Show #1 Butt Show Blooper
The Sweetest Pussy
Wet My Pussy
Summer Heat
U.S. moves to ban trans fats, no moves for similar regulation in Canada
Black Cock Down (Gallery)
Blue Violet Vapors (Gallery)
Just Funny #8
Just Funny #7
Just Funny #6
Just Funny #5
Just Funny #4
Just Funny #3
Just Funny #2
Just Funny #1
The Cherry Game
The Lick It Up Game
Kissing Tag
What ??? Every proper lady...
This one is...
Aren't we cute ???

ah, technology...
6:43PM on July 24, 2015

Three women, one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.

"That was my pager." She said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished she explained "That was my phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said...

"Well, would you look at that. I'm getting a FAX!"

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Cause he's TNT, dynamite...
6:11PM on July 24, 2015

The body builder (Fill In The Blank) takes off his shirt and the blonde says "What a
great chest you have."

He tells her "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves
you have."

The body builder tells her "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of
the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes
back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like
that. The blonde replies "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was!"

Tags: bodybuilder jokes nilouachtland
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Blowjobs, nuff said...
5:57PM on July 24, 2015

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're
sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this
really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she
gets and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The
bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot
of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally, you drink the lime
juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts
the salt on his tongue...salty but OK. He drinks the shot of
Baileys...smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks...this is
OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it...
In one second the sharp lime taste hits...
At two seconds the Baileys curdles...
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency
hits...
At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This
triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint
his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend and
says "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She answers...

"Blowjob Revenge!"

Tags: drink joke nilouachtland
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Tri-Pod
4:26PM on July 24, 2015

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.

But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.

Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing and walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly "you are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

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Grateful strangers...
3:42PM on July 23, 2015

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Understandably, she was very upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me! I am a faithful wife and the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

The husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead." she sobbed. "But they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!"

The husband began "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued. "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and asked "Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

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Stings don't it ???
12:28AM on July 20, 2015

So peeing on a sting DOES remove the sting! It's weird but it works.

So let's say you're on a date and he/she gets stung on their hand.

Would you pee on her/him?

Attached
Videos:
Tinkle #1Pissy PussyPee On The Potty
Tags: geekstuff nilouachtland pee
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boysex80
July 23, 2015 (Report It)

Yes i want your gold shower :)
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BooBs, lol
7:59PM on July 17, 2015

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God." she replied.
"The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the
sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other
two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them
on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain." reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. she felt
that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".


"That's a fair point." replied God. "But it was my first shot at
this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you
needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix
it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into
the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of
Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied "but for one oversight. You see, all
the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her
bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said "You know, Eve, you are right.
How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will
immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see.
Where did I put that useless boob?"
yes

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Titty Joke 31
8:07AM on October 21, 2014

How do you catch a bra?
Set up a boobie trap.

Tags: bra fetish nilouachtland
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Closer Show1 (Gallery)
12:59PM on December 04, 2013

Sexy Nilou Achtland tries to get her live group show audience closer when her show shuts off but still has live house fans watching ....she just shoves that butt plug right in her ass an keeps on going !!! What a great sport .

http://www.rude.com/NilouAchtland/pix_view/Y4r6bfl79Bl/





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Closer Show #1 Butt Show Blooper
6:47AM on December 04, 2013

New videos & photos !!!

http://rude.com/NilouAchtland/flix_watch/Bpc9Qw4084a/closer-show-1-butt-show-blooper-by-nilouachtland/

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