How To Become A #1 Slut Puppy
2:30PM on December 11, 2009
A slut is a shrewd and cunning version of a bimbo who garners more enemies, attention and boyfriends.
1. The make-up.
This is a must, and the very first step. Before you show your face to the world, engage in a half-hour make-up session (expert ones do it in 15 minutes flat). There are basic guidelines to follow: face scrub followed by foundation, then the mascara, eye-liner, eye-shadow, lip gloss (lipstick is cardinal sin: it makes you old). All this has to go into a case into your handbag, so that you can apply it every time you go to the loo.
2. Hair removal.
One of the nastiest bits of being a b/s. this is what you do during your free time instead of studying for exams. There are 5 basic areas: face, armpits, legs, fingers and toes, and bikini line. You have to fix them weekly. waxing is the choice for face (near your mouth, you MUST eliminate the fine hairs), legs (shave only during emergencies, waxing produces smoother results), armpits and bikini line. A normal person will not dream of plucking out the hairs on her fingers every week, but then again, a SLUT isnt normal. From observations, it hurts like childbirth but this is compulsory
Please, FAT SLUTS DONT CUT IT. If youre worried about flat chests etc, dont worry. Push-ups, creams and plastic surgery will take care of that. You can go either way : bulimia or anorexia (although the latter is preferred). Make sure you ditch starch. Become a vegetarian (perfect excuse to ban yourself from reaching for that burger).eat mealswith lots of people so that you can talk and talk and fill your stomach with air and water instead of food(or order a soda, to be fashionable). The all-time approved exercise is dancing, because you can burn carbs and expose your body simultaneously. If you have to eat, pick a energy bar (cos its small and sophisticated, and wont cause you to sweat and ruin your make-up).
4. The clothes.
Its all about dressing up. You dont understand the words class, elegance or shame, so the golden rule is play up your best assets. There are 3 kind of males: butt, boob and leg males. So expose these parts (whichever is your best). Spray tans are a must. Its taboo to wear loose clothes. If you are wearing a decent top, wear a micro-skirt, and so on. NEVER, EVER step out fully-clothed. Play up the vamp factor with heels no shorter than 2 inches high whenever youre out. (slippers are for losers). Who cares if your feet ache or you get varicose veins when you hit 30? You only care about that cute guy sitting across the room.
5. Act dumb (when youre really not) and flirt.
Time-tested pick-up tactic: the dumber you act, the more appealing you get. get pretty, wear a plastic smile, hitch up your skirt and flirt with anything tha has a penis. To please male ego, laugh and giggle at their most stupid jokes, at the same time taking care to extend your legs and engage in playful hitting or shoving. When he says 2 X 5 = 6, you dont say dumbass! you should say WOW. Oh my goodness. I never knew. (make sure you say this in a high-pitched voice and put your hand to your heart) Hang around male-populated areas. Show that youre free, single, available, easy and have no qualms with physical contact. A few days later some testosterone-filled male will ask you out. There you go! If hes hot, its better than any Gucci or LV handbag cuz you can dangle him in front of everyone (dont forget the compulsory public dick sucking on RUDE).
6. Build up a small group of NASTY BITCH friends and show everyone whos boss.
Gather a group of NASTY BITCHES and form a tight clique. Since you are the one with the biggest dick sucking lips (and the best skills, preferably), your NASTY BITCH girlfriends will stick to you like glue. Parade around RUDE (with you making the most noise and flirting the most, of course) with your group of NASTY BITCHES (since theyre as fab). This is a sure-win formula as other slut-wannabees will be dying to enter your clique, and theyll suck up to you. Thus you ensure your popularity, presence, plus youll have this supply of wannabees wholl do whatever you fancy.
Tah-dah! Im sure I would have ruffled a few feathers with this entry, but what the hell!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM A CONFIRMED SLUT PUPPY