My Blog :: mi vida.

Changes
10:48PM on December 19, 2012

For those who don't know, in October, I ended the almost 4 year relationship with iKon. I can't lie about it anymore and as he is no longer a part of my life I feel that I should explain our relationship.
It wasn't real. I mean, yes, he was a real person who kissed me. Hugged me and said he loved me.
I was his protection. Until he was comfortable enough to step out of my protection and introduce his family to his new love - Chase, his boyfriend.
Yes. iKon came out of the closet.

Don't feel bad for me,  though. I was heartbroken, yes,  when I finally had to end even the friendship but I'm OK. My best friend, N, of 13 years, ended a long term relationship himself. Somehow, we naturally fell into a new relationship of trust, love and just... nothing of any fears.

The sex is amazing. He's huge. Reminds me. I need to get magnums tomorrow.

I.. don't know
8:47PM on July 14, 2012

45 applications out.
1 interview which I got the job offered to me, but, had to decline since it was 4 fucking hours a week. An insult, truly.

eight weeks after I quit, my insurance needed renewing, so, I re-applied.
and then was dropped from it stating, "you are uninsurable."
Out. standing.
A week later I got a cut in my mouth that swelled up to the point I couldn't eat. I couldn't go to the ER either, I couldn't afford the $350 waiting room fee, the medicines they would've given me OR the actual examination. I took care of it myself and thankfully, it's returned to normal.

Insurance claimed I needed to file for unemployment. I quit, I couldn't get it? Well, the woman explained my circumstances with the harassment I could qualify.
I did.

The $130 a week isn't much, no, but it's enough to make sure my car is paid.

45 applications out and no job.
and don't throw 'move' out at me. You need money to move.

A while later...
2:55PM on May 06, 2012

My official last day from work was March 5th. April 4th I received a phone call from the HR at my now FORMER job and they wanted me to come in for a consultation.I about pissed myself laughing. Her wording caused it: I don't want you to faint on the floor but.... CEO wants you to come in for a consultation. I. Lost it. ..after I hung up anyway :P I had a job interview as a Post Master relief at the local post office, but, even though I got the job, I declined. it's a guaranteed 4 hours a week. On call the rest mon-friday. "now asi, what's wrong with that?" I wouldn't be able to make plans as, "oh you can be called in any time from 6am to noon if they need you to come in. Say someone gets sick, has to go home. You go in." I go, "So I can't make plans?" "well, not until after noon." that would give me less than two hours to do any and all errands I do in a day without the child. So after getting the job and them waiting for an accept, I said, "I'm sorry. I just need something that's got regular hours and isn't on-call." Eh. Sucks but oh well. So I'm still looking at jobs. IF ANY of your know of places that are legit and pay online for like data/etc that don't cost to start up, please let me know. I may be traveling very soon for auditions and if I can be mobile and still get a paycheck, even better. Also, for those who want to follow me on twitter, my name is @AsinatheDarath :) It's full of cynical ungowa and bazinga. <3 toodleoos. OH, if you do add me on twitter, message me @asinathedarath i'm rude! so I know ;)

Changes
9:22PM on March 08, 2012

Well, for those who haven't heard, I've had an interesting time with the job front lately.

Let's begin a few weeks ago, shall we?
The Supervisor's daughter was moved into our department and they moved a woman who HATES me, loathes me and wants me to choke on a dick (not literally) in the department too. The daughter and woman decided to gang up on me and bitch that I'm unable to do my job anymore even though I'm specialized in it.
No biggie.
I had hurt my back anyway so I took a few days off to heal.
I came back and was not permitted at all to do the job ever again.

Last week, I worked a fucked up schedule.
Sun: 9am-1pm.
Monday: 5am-2:30pm
Tuesday: 3am-2:30pm
Wednesday: 1am-11:30am (THEN go home and be back in at 8pm-8am Thursday)

For most of the would-be 12 hour shift things were fine. I was out in another room doing my thing until 5am when I had to turn the ovens down and use the ones IN the department room.
I burnt the shit out of my finger and slammed an oven door.
This was no big deal as two days before I went to the supervisor when bitchwoman screamed at me and supervisor said (and i quote) "tell her yes you have to slam the door. You can shut the damn door how ever you want. You have to stand up for yourself."
So Thursday morning I finally stood up for myself when supervisor's daughter threw a hissy fit at 7am when I slammed it shut.
Our lead came up to me and I told her -exactly- what the supervisor told me to say and the lead, bitchwoman and daughter went to Supervisor and in turn, there was an emergency meeting at 7:20 in our room about attitudes and the likes.
-Mind you three days before i had requested AGAIN to be removed from the room through HR who said, "sure no problem"-

The supervisor asks me if I like being in the room. "Sometimes yes, sometimes no." She asked what the no meant so I continued, "The tension in here. I can't explain it."

Supervisor's daughter then chimes in with the bitchwoman that I'm the one with the attitude and "things are fine in here depending on Asi's mood!"
So supervisor asks me, "Do you have a problem with Shan? (her daughter)"
I say, "no."

Shan suddenly blurts out, "she's had a fucking problem with me since I revealed that her "BOYFRIEND" is a fucking faggot and she is being used by him. She's had an issue since then with me because she's in denial about some deluded relationship she's NOT IN!" I looked at the supervisor and said, "I'm going home."

They make snide comments about  "There she goes, running again in denial."

I called in Friday. I gave it the weekend to think and Monday morning I got up at 6am to get around for work and it hit me.
I didn't want to go back.

I picked up the phone and called the 'absentee line' we have and stated, "This is Asi, I work 1st shift for Kathy. I am calling in for March 5th, 2012 and after having given it a weekend to deliberate, I have found that it be best that I not return to work ever. I shall be in if needed to sign papers. Thank you."

And I quit. Flat out.
It's only been a week since I've been there and already several things have happened:

I've started taking care of myself again.
I curl my hair when I have time in the morning (IF i want to!)
I do nails.
I take long showers and go all girly with lotions and facial stuff.
I dress nicer.
I'm up early and getting all my chores (cleaning) done by 8am.
I'm getting my own kid up for school, around for school and on the bus.
I'm also there for her when she gets OFF the bus.
We aren't fighting nearly as much.
iKon is starting to be more affectionate towards me.
I have no stress.
My blood pressure went down to normal where it'd been sky high for someone only 31.


So, I'm looking for work. Nothing that would involve me taking my clothes off etc. Something I can do hopefully close to home (or at home if anyone has any leads on that kind of thing) and pays well. I'm optimistic. I'll find something.

When I told iKon about what happened, he got angry. He flipped out and went, "HOW the hell does OUR relationship which they know NOTHING ABOUT NOW have to do with work? It's illegal to make jabs about your private life at work. Work is WORK!"
Then I reminded him of one simple thing: regardless of the "professional" relationship between supervisor/daughter at work, at the end of the day, she's a mother and she'll always believe her daughter over anyone.

The funny bit is that I wonder who the hell those three backstabbers will blame for all the fuck ups now that I'm gone?
Oh wait.
I don't care :)

cam issues
9:53AM on November 10, 2011

I'm sure some of you noticed the cam is up and running. However, I can't change any settings, nor can I record a new teaser or any of that fun stuff. In fact, I can't do anything but edit the page. I've had friends try to get to my free chat page with the cam to test out how lighting/etc is now and guess what? I'm not listed :(

So, until it's been addressed (have a ticket in for trouble) I'm going to be offline with it.
Hope it's back up soon and all peachy. I love having people peek in :D

cam
5:10PM on November 09, 2011

Well, kittens.
I have one more box to go through and then whammo-blamo, cam :)

My Aunt Lillian
8:25PM on November 02, 2011

I want to be serious and share with you all an interesting story. I'll keep it brief since all my real prolific writing is over my book, plus, I don't want to annoy anyone with a mass of words.
My Aunt Lillian was born in 1919, two years after her husband, my Uncle Daniel. Yes. Aunt and Uncle. Not great aunt, great great or any of that extended mumbo jumbo. We're talking straight direct as in I'm their niece.
I was born in 1980.
My paternal grandfather was born in 1878, paternal grandmother in 1898. My dad was born the youngest of six, the eldest (Daniel) born in 1917, my dad born in 1934. A few weeks after my dad was born, his mother died. Three years later, my grandfather died.
My Aunt Lillian is 93 years old. A spitfire. Old. Sweet. I use to visit her all the time when I was little but I can't remember much other than "the nice aunt or uncle" or "that house on Brooklyn Street where my dad was legit born.
The point of this is moot. just sharing a little history.
It's not very often you can hear someone say "there's  almost 103 years between me and my grandpa in age."
Right?

Last night my Aunt had a heart attack and was rushed 2 minutes to the local hospital where she is. The doctor said he gives her 2-3 days max if at all that. It's bittersweet as she's the last living aunt / uncle in the same generation as my dad (who passed away in 2005). It leaves my mom as one of the "In-laws" but she's only 61 so it's a huge gap between her and her sisters/brothers in law.
My aunt's great-grandson is my friend. He told me something sad, sweet, however you want to put it that when she was responsive and talking she said.

I want my mom.

I hope sincerely in my heart (as an avid believer) that she -sees- her mother and welcomes her into whatever afterlife there is. It breaks my heart though that at 93 the only thing she wants is her mother. It goes to show you that no matter how old you are or how young, you will ALWAYS want your parents with you for the hardest things in life.

I realized something
2:31PM on October 30, 2011

I don't know if it was because I'm just a closet nympho or because iKon and I didn't get any us time this past Thursday, but, something made me jump out of bed and frantically search for some kind of toy to get off on.
Did I? Yeah, I did. I found something temporarily to please me and as I was grinding myself harder to get off and couldn't, I realized that I do not own any legit sex toys :(
What a suck.
Regardless, I'm hoping that when iKon and I do get our time together, I do get off :/ I'm petrified my body is fucked up from everything and all that crap. I dunno.

I'm going to resume my cleaning now to make it possible iKon stays soon.

no :(
7:20PM on October 29, 2011

While after a month of nasty post-D&C crap my body opted to behave finally and let me go a night or longer without feminine blood-catching products of that gross nature, I did not get any :/

iKon did stay over, though, which made me beam ear to ear. however, all we did was watch  Spirited Away (one of my fave anime's by far!) and laughed a while at tomfoolery. Then we went to bed at 2am. I woke up at 6am to get asijr off to school and the blessing was that he was still holding me until I got up.
He's staying soon though!

fuck y'all
8:34PM on October 24, 2011

Pending my body cooperating, Thursday I'm getting some dammit. <3 iKon <3 <3 <3

week end
10:04PM on October 21, 2011

Week two back to work is done and over with (thankfully!).
They laid off our local amusing chemist, which sucks bad because he was really cool and a big kid.
Work share isn't too bad except I only get $30. :/
Oh well. House is being intense cleaned for the fall and I've worked most of today on cobwebs and nooks/crannies in order for iKon to possibly stay this weekend.

Last night I almost cried though. I drove downtown to meet him, give him some ibuprofen and drove him within that ten minutes to his friend Ryan's house. usually he kisses me and gets out, but this time (and it's been so long since we've even made out - JULY!) we just kept kissing and kissing with more and more intensity.

I seriously need to supplement my income and I am out of ideas. :/ We need a house.

day two back
7:56PM on October 12, 2011

Work is work.
Our front end (the ones who physically MAKE the parts in a "green" state ((not fired)) ) have no more orders. They finished the last today.
That means as of the time they get the last product out (today) the estimated time of closing IF they get no more orders is 6 weeks.

Fuck my life. :/

work
6:18PM on October 10, 2011

I return to work tomorrow. :/

birthday week!
10:59PM on October 08, 2011

I'm feeling a little better after my rant the other day. Sometimes a good bitch/rantfest is needed. I don't care who you are or where you're from. Sometimes you just have to get it off your tits or you're going to just fester in that crap for a long ass time.

So to start out my birthday week (I turn 31 on the 13th!) mother nature gave me the best gift of all. The chance to get some again! :o Yes! The final sign of my physical ailments is pretty much done. Gone. Over. Meaning my body is on the way to healing.
this also means I might get some well needed loving soon! Woot woot!

And iKon is hoping as soon as my room is unpacked and back in order to stay over to watch movies in bed. Things feel so right again. About time!

Unfortunately, there is one sad bit of news.

While at the visitation today with my daughter's sperm donor, I ran into a co-worker that I absolutely freaking LOVE! She's a 40 year old deaf woman who is one of the most cheerful beings I've ever had the graces to know and learn from.
She came over and signed to me that her husband (who also worked with me) was laid off.
Yes. They did another round of layoffs. :/

When I was told I couldn't return without the doc notice, we had just lost a worker in our department due to moving. This left us with five.
Now we are down to three.
Three people can not get the work out, especially when only one of them can build and only one of them is able to test because she can't do anything else. :/

Our company is closing.
It's just a matter of time.

i might as well kill myself...rant.
1:44PM on October 07, 2011

I'm screwed .
Big time in a bad way.

Because of my employer NOT following the rules and forcing me to get a doctor notice for shit that wasn't medical (which is impossible) I've been off work for 2 weeks now.

My car is being reposessed. I can't afford it. Netflix got cancelled and they STILL charged me for the month anm,d when I contacted them, by some odd "course of events" the cancellation was listed for TODAY - the same fucking day they renewed me for a month.
Fucking great. So I'm eating $7.99 there when that overdrafted me.

On top of that, the school photograph place I sent a check to a MONTH ago (over a month) billed me this week. When I know it came out the end of last month.

I'm a wreck. I couldn't even get my kid a birthday present last week let alone a birthday cake OR ice cream. Or even a freaking birthday card for 50 cents.

I'm still bleeding from the miscarriage and I'm using my mom's KLEENEX as pads because I'm so freaking broke. I  got denied food stamps because I'm still "employed" and I make too much money.
I can't even celebrate my birthday next Thursday because I'm broke. iKon is broke too since his work has slowed down. So we're all absolutely miserable.
I've been bawling my eyes out since I got my card declined at the store attempting to buy a $1 can of soup for me and my daughter to eat tonight. I had enough money on my unemployment card to cover my prescription refill which now causes my unemployment card to be empty and meaning for the next two weeks IF I return to work, I don't even have gas to get to work.

I am very hurt, upset and my already existing depression from the baby is making me even more of a wreck than normal.
I don't know what to do.

sex and the body
12:15PM on October 01, 2011

I have two more weeks exactly before the surgeon suggested iKon and myself have sex again. Not conceive, just have sex.
He asks almost daily how the bleeding is going and it kills me daily to say, "It's better/worse but still happening." We haven't had sex since his roommate caused their eviction in July. We are going on almost 3 months of no privacy (he couldn't stay here due to my work schedule) or intimacy. It's driving me frickin nuts.
Today is my kid's 9th birthday.  iKon may stay over tonight IF I can manage to convince him and finish gutting my bedroom. It's a mess.  Clothes everywhere in different piles of "can wear" "can't" "want to wear" "winter" "Summer" "Work" plus a pile of boxes from moving. I have to get that sorted, get the bed made and then try with all my might to get him to stay over.
Of course no sex. I could just use human contact - being held. You know? Sweet things.
I'm also off work till I get a release. So I'm broke for my birthday :(

surgery
3:59PM on September 27, 2011

Hi all, I'm recovering from emergency surgery on Saturday so I'm going to be quiet until things calm down here.
We had a tragic loss in Asi-land when my 12 week checkup for my baby determined fetal demise.

I'm trying to get better in time for oct 13th, my birthday. Which also signals the day I can make love to my ikon again.
I'm not the type to ask for presents, but if you want to send me a 31st bday one, message me and I'll link you to my list.

~Asi

suggestions?
7:59PM on September 15, 2011

With yours truly being so effen horny lately that masturbating 3 times in one hour doesn't cut it, I'm curious...
since I'm starting anew here... what pics would YOU like to see?

welcum me back!
5:55PM on September 11, 2011

hey sexies!

i'm back, yes, it's true. Shit has calmed down on the crazy front and as soon as stuff is unpacked from my boxes from when I *was* moving (and it didn't happen) I'll be having the voyeurcam back up and running :)

Yes yes more asi cam with tits and who knows what else! <3
See you there ;)

~Asi

voyeur cam
4:15PM on September 13, 2010

OK so we ran into a tiny snafu the other day and I had to repair the computer that streams my voyeur cam. I know I promised to have it back up and running Sunday however, it probably won't be up until mid week to Friday. Work/School makes it hard to find time.

--Asi