2:48AM on June 24, 2008
Where do I begin? I feel like pouring my heart out and no one is around. I've been going through a rough few weeks. Things get terrible then calm then terrible to worse.
Think my marriage is over again..... Not that we ever divorced but we have seperated several times. Its so hard to pick yourself up and move on. I made him my world my best friend (almost my only friend), I made him my lover, the father of my only child. What am I suppose to go now?
I'm sooooooooooo lost.
Started a part time job today.. Working evenings. Need money and well it gets me out of this house and helps my mind not think about things.
I dont see why his ex gf's friendship is more important then me, then our marriage, then this family. We have been fighting about her and fighting about her. She has called me dirty names. And honestly he barely put up an effort to make her stop. She's 6 years younger then me almost 8 years younger then my spouse.
Why can't he love me like I love him? Its always someone or something else.
I probly wouldnt be such a mess tonight had I not seen his ring sitting on the table and it not on his finger. My ring is on my finger. I dont want my marriage to be over. I've put 8 years of knowning him 6 years married off and on. I feel like im nothing to him now.
Said I will always have a place to live. That I can stay here in the our we got together back in 2005. How can I stay here and be so close but so far from him? How can I watch him take our cavalier we got back in 2004 together to go see her.
He wants to be her friend, Ive begged him to rethink this. But its his life and its the choice he wants. Guess my friendship isnt that important anymore. He's know this girl a year maybe and thats not even seeing or talking to her. For months that I know of he said he hadn't talked to her.
I have no choice right now but to live here. I can't afford to support myself at this moment. My family has no room. And they have already helped me once with money to get a place and I let it go because my spouse missed me and wanted his family back.
Thinks started so well this time that I know of. I just dont know how to really move on after all this.... Everything I have everywhere I go its him. He's always in my mind. My daughter is a part of him...
I wish I knew what to do...............................................................I'm lost...................I'm damaged.........I feel broken......